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Letters From War Chapter 18

Title: Letters From War
Length: [19/?]
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Teukchul
Rating: Overall NC-17 
Genre: Romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: i only own them in my dreams
Summary: In the breaking point of the Korean war, two brothers get drafted into the military and forced to fight for the lives. literally. punishment in camp 409 is just as unforgiving as its officers. attraction? frowned upon. affection? unheard of. love? strickly forbidden. But the training camp they thought they knew gets turned upside down when six of them decide to leave no rule left unbroken
Author's Note: um... none o.o shocking

{Prologue} {Ch1} {Ch2} {Ch3} {Ch4} {Ch5a} {Ch5b} {Ch6} {Ch7} {Ch8} {Ch9a} {Ch9b} {Ch10} {Ch11} {Ch12} {Ch13a} {Ch13b} {Ch13c} {Ch13d} {Ch14} {Ch15} {Ch16} {Ch17}

 

Chapter 18

It’s a strange thing the way sleep works. It creeps up on an unsuspecting victim and snatches their mind away before they know what hit them, the victim remaining oblivious until it has already let them go. It forces the one it holds into unrealistic hallucinations of their fantasies, their memories, their fears. It leaves you vulnerable and blind-sided, yet brings about a peaceful nirvana where nothing else truly exists. Of all people, Kim Heechul was not at all a fan of the mystery known as sleep. He detested, defied it, loathed it for sneaking up on him when he least expected it and making him completely helpless.

 

When Heechul opened his eyes after sleep had momentarily loosened its grip, he didn’t know where he was or when he had fallen victim to its grip again. All he did know was that there was a soft arm beneath his cheek and an angel standing before him. The angel had lifted him from his haven, away from the arm that possessed his one single tear, and into its gentle embrace. Heechul welcomed the angel’s somehow familiar arms, entrusting his entire being to this “holy spirit.” But Kim Heechul didn’t believe in such things; believing in angels was for those who were too weak to take responsibility for their own problems. Still, the broken military officer wanted to believe, if just for a moment, that something not from this cruel world was taking care of him.

 

None of the words spoken by this angel were comprehended, but its voice- its smooth, gentle voice- felt so familiar, and was soon all Heechul could hear, all he could think about. If nothing else, the exhausted man just wanted to stay in this peace uninterrupted for as long as possible- a few more minutes would have been nice- but no, before Heechul knew it the angel was putting him down again. A whine of protest left his lips when he was gently dropped on something far less comfortable than the arm he was resting on, earning him another string of beautiful words from the angel. His hair was brushed away from his eyes, a pair of soft lips pressed to his forehead, and just like that the angel was gone and Heechul fell victim to sleep’s hold again.

 

**~**~**~**~**

 

Jaejoong couldn’t have been more grateful to his brother’s lover than he was when night finally fell over camp 409. Despite having to dive into his bed and pretend to be unconscious when the doors flew open, the young trainee was glad to see the rest of Resident A come back. Their marching footsteps were slow and heavy, some practically dragging as they made their way closer to Jaejoong’s bed. His eye barely slid open to watch the men’s waists as they passed by, searching for a certain figure... Average, average, eh, average, lacking, average, practically non-existent, Junsu! Jaejoong’s hand darted out from underneath his covers only to withdraw right away when an alarmed dolphin shriek pierced the air.

 

“PARK YOOCHUN!!!”

 

The flat-figured man in front of Junsu turned, both of them stopping in their tracks. “What?”

 

“Why would you do that??” Junsu cried.

 

Yoochun crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, staring his young lover down for a second before speaking. “Do what?”

 

The younger trainee flailed his arms in the air. “You know exactly what you did!”

 

“But I didn’t do anything.”

 

“Did too! I felt it!”

 

“Felt what? Su, you’re making a scene out of nothing.”

 

“Am not! I know what I felt and unless that bed magically grew a pair of hands-”

 

“Junsu, it was me!”

 

The two bickering trainees froze mid-sentence, mouths wide open and accusations hot on their tongues. “Hyung!” Junsu squeaked.

 

Jaejoong rolled his eyes under closed lids and sighed. “You always sound so shocked,” he whispered.

 

“Well it’s not every day that you pinch my butt,” Junsu shot back in defense, crossing his arms and lips forming a small pout. (Yoochun would have sworn that if Junsu got any cuter he would have jumped him on the spot.) “Why’d you do that anyway?”

 

Jaejoong sighed. “To get your attention. Why else?”

 

“Ok, now you have it. What do you want?”

 

The elder twin paused. What did he want? “I just… wanted to… say hi,” he said slowly. Despite being unable to see his brother’s face, Jaejoong knew that Junsu didn’t believe him any more than he believed himself.

 

“Really?” Junsu said flatly. “Look hyung, if you don’t have something important to tell me then I’m going to go. Training wiped me out and we have to eat dinner soon anyway.”

 

“I di-”

 

“And no, I don’t consider whatever you did with Soryeong Jung while you were skipping important.”

 

Jaejoong shot up in an instant, his eyes narrowed in a vicious glare. “I did not skip out on training to do anything with him!” he hissed. But again, Junsu looked completely unconvinced. “Wasn’t he out there, oh I don’t know, training you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe that that’s what training officers are here for.”

 

“Explain why he left an hour early!”

 

“How the hell should I know?!”

 

“Because you were with him!”

 

“I just told you that I wasn’t!”

 

“You’re lying!”

 

“Both of you knock it off!!”

 

Silence consumed the Resident and every head turned to stare at Yoochun. Grim lines marked the trainee’s face, every bit of his usual playfulness replaced with stone. “Both of you need to stop arguing and bringing attention to yourselves.” He looked into Junsu’s eyes, voice lowering to almost a whisper. “You need to stop fighting with everything. And you,” he shifted his gaze to Jaejoong, “need to watch what you shout out to anyone listening. Anyone looking at us right now could have heard you.”

 

Clouds of regret hung over the twins; one much darker than the other. Jaejoong made the first move, lying back down and folding his arms under his head. “I’m sorry Su…” he mumbled.

 

Junsu said nothing.

 

“Su?”

 

“I’m not going to apologize if that’s what you want,” the younger said quietly. “You know I’m right Hyung.”

 

“No you a-”

 

“Don’t even start!” Yoochun intervened before the twins could go off again. “Talk to each other when you’ve cooled down, but until then just let it go, okay?”

 

The other two stayed silent but nodded in assent.

 

“Good. We’ll go eat soon and you can start over there. In the meantime, Susu babe, come with me.”

 

Jaejoong watched Yoochun drag his dongsaeng away, shaking his head at Junsu’s squeaked-out questions and Yoochun’s laughter faded. “What does babe mean? Hey! Yoochun! What does it mean??” The clouds over Jaejoong only got darker as every second passed, his melancholy shading over his world. Junsu was always one to forgive and forget in a heartbeat, but this time… he wouldn’t even apologize for being completely wrong! The thought turned over in his mind, and Jaejoong’s frustration with it all only grew. Who does he think he is accusing me like that? He seethed. It’s not like he never went out of his way to be with Yoochun! I didn’t even SEE Yunho since he… well since I was with him this morning! Jaejoong flipped over to lie on his stomach and cradled his pillow against his cheek. I didn’t even do anything wrong… He should be the one feeling like crap right now and I should be the angry one! Aish, this is so backwards… Try as he might, no amount of self-justification settled Jaejoong’s flipping stomach and weary mind.

 

And the feeling stayed with him as the rest of Resident A passed by his bunk on their way to the Mess Hall, as he followed slowly behind them, and even as he took his place across from Junsu at the table. If anything, seeing his sweet dongsaeng’s bubbly face go stone cold at the sight of him only made it worse.

 

“Glad you decided to join us Jaejoong,” Yoochun said with a slight smile on his face. “You good to talk now?”

 

I’m not the one you should be asking that… As much as Jaejoong wanted to say it out loud, the trainee held his tongue and nodded, earning him a brighter smile.

 

“Good. Now that you two are listening, let me explain what happened. After Jaejoong and I took Donghae to the medical ward I told him to stay behind and get some rest. Soryeong Jung was training us for most of the time we were out there with Jungnyeong Park AND Jungnyeong Choi, so I’m pretty sure they would have said something if he left an hour early without reason. Not to mention that Jungnyeong Park left early as well.” Yoochun too a brief pause to look from Junsu to Jaejoong and back, grinning slightly. “I think we can safely say that unless Jungnyeong Park was in on the action too, Jaejoong and Soryeong Jung weren’t together. Am I right?”

 

Junsu’s face fell with each word that fell from his lover’s mouth, his heart sinking just a little bit more each second. “Oh…” he muttered when Yoochun’s explanation was finished. Guilt trickled into his swirling mind and kept his eyes locked on the table separating him from his brother. God, how he hated times like this when nothing seemed like the right thing to say; no combination of words could make it work. “I’m sorry Hyung… I thought…”

 

“Don’t worry about it Su,” Jaejoong cut in.

 

“No I will worry about it! What do you think is going to happen when you get caught someday Hyung? What am I gunna do?” Junsu cried. “Whether or not you did it this time doesn’t matter; we all know you’re going to do it again! You have to stop doing this.”

 

“You’re such a hypocrite!” Jaejoong shouted without missing a beat. Anger pulsed in his veins and burned in his eyes, demolishing the filter in his mouth. “What the fuck do you think he’s hanging around for, huh? Let me give you a hint: it’s not for your great personality!”

 

“What are you trying to say!?”

 

“I’m not trying to say anything!”

 

“So what, you think Soryeong Jung wants you for anything else?? You’re nothing but a toy to him Jaejoong! He probably has a wife at home that he loves, and he’s just using you as a cheap replacement!”

 

If a gun had gone off in that instant, Jaejoong would have known no different. All color drained from his face. Air ceased to pass by his lips. His heart refused to beat. The darkness of Junsu’s eyes consumed him and threw him into an oblivion where he couldn’t hear the words flying from Yoochun’s mouth. Toy? Just a toy? Is that all?

 

“You’re wrong Junsu,” Jaejoong whispered unconsciously. “You’re wrong and I’ll prove it.”

 

**~**~**~**~**

 

“Really Hyung, Eunhyuk won’t like you being in here.”

 

Yunho raised an eyebrow in skepticism, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Oh really? And why is that?” he asked slowly.

 

Changmin answered without missing a beat. “Because he’s weird. You know that.”

 

“And your face looks like shit. I know that too,” Yunho shot back with a smirk.

 

Changmin scrunched his face in resent and leaned against the barely-open metal door. “It’s Jaejoong’s fault; he did it.”

 

“You told him to.”

 

“…Touché.” The young officer pursed his lips as he suddenly took great interest in the dirt at Yunho’s feet. “Can’t you just tell me whatever you need to tell me right here?” An edge of hope laced his words, but it was soon smothered by a firm shake of his hyung’s head.

 

“No one can hear this except you.”

 

And just like that, Changmin’s face lit up again. “Then you definitely can’t come in here. Eunhyuk has other patients you know?” he said matter-of-factly.

 

“I thought the last ones were released yesterday.” Again skepticism marked the elder’s face. “What’s going on Changmin?”

 

“Nothing,” Changmin said smoothly. He shifted his weight to fully lean on the doorframe, a deep sigh passing his lips and his eyes sliding closed. “Just say whatever it is you need to say and get it over with Hyung; I’m tired.”

 

Yunho hesitated with his answer at first, rolling the words around on his tongue before letting them spill out. “I need you to watch Jaejoong for me.”

 

The younger’s eyes snapped open. “Watch him?” 

 

“Look, I know it sounds weird, but it’s important. There’s this other trainee, an American transfer, that’s been trying to make a move on him,” Yunho explained quietly.

 

Changmin grinned. “Do I detect jealousy Hyung?”

 

“No! I just… I saw him kissing Jaejoong earlier today but Jaejoong pushed away. I won’t tolerate someone harassing him, especially not Park Yoochun.”

 

An unexpected sting shocked Changmin’s heart, but he smiled through it. “Alright Hyung, I’ll watch him. If Yoochun gets too close I’ll do something about it.”

 

Yunho let out a sigh of semi-relief and whispered a small thank you. His tension slowly began to unknot itself as he stood in his favorite dongsaeng’s presence, his last words still lingering in the air. But there was something else… The knots tightened again and Yunho cleared his throat. “There’s one more thing I need to ask you for Min…” he said.

 

The young officer’s smile began to falter. “Yes?” The word came out slowly, his unease only growing as Yunho’s gaze locked on the floor.

 

“I know that you’ve already done a lot for me because of him and… I feel bad for asking you to do more… especially after you just got punched in the face for us but… if anyone brings Jaejoong to you, or asks if you told him to do something for you, just go with it. Could you do that for me? For us?”

 

Again Changmin felt the slight sting. Yunho just asked him to cover for them, which means that… “Yeah Hyung. That’s fine. I can do that,” he said quickly before his mind could reject like he knew it wanted to. Yunho’s face lit up and he decided to continue. “Just don’t be reckless about it. I mean, your room is really close to Heechul and the other officers. And we all know that those walls are pretty thin…”

 

“I would smack you if you didn’t look like you already got hit by a truck,” Yunho sneered with a betraying grin Changmin couldn’t help but to return.

 

“Yeah yeah, just try not to help Heechul get off. Leeteuk might have your head for it.” The young officer figured that if he smiled enough the pain in his face would drown out the pain in his heart.

 

**~**~**~**~**

 

Jaejoong practically threw himself on his bed when he returned to the Resident A building, shoving his arms underneath his pillow and smashing his face into the lousy white cushion. “I’ll show you Junsu… Yunho doesn’t… He’s not… SCREW YOU!” Jaejoong launched his pillow at the foot of his bed as he shouted to no one, the small action catching the attention of his room mates and pissing a few off.

 

“Hey! You should be happy you get your letters at all,” a nearby trainee snapped.

 

Jaejoong propped himself up on his elbows to stare at the other trainee, tilting his head when the other threw a piece of paper at him. “What’s this?”

 

“How should I know?” the trainee answered. “It came out of your pillow.”

 

“What the…” Jaejoong took the paper hesitantly, eyes locked on the other trainee until the last second before reading the scribbled words.

 

Come to my room tonight an hour after lights out. Make sure no one sees you- that includes your brother. If you disobey Changmin needed to see you. Third in right, Jung Choi. Need to talk to you about something. No “punishment” if you don’t show.

 

The young trainee just blinked at the note in his hand, mind and heart racing from just the few words scribbled in what he could only guess was Yunho’s handwriting. It was perfect… so, so perfect.

 

A bright smile crept onto Jaejoong’s plush lips, reopening the long-forgotten split, but he didn’t care. “I’ll be there Yunho.”

 

**~**~**~**~**

 

Changmin let out a long sigh as he made his way back to his bed, the gesture a mixture of both sorrow and relief. Yunho would get to be with Jaejoong again: good. Jaejoong would be with Yunho again: bad. And God’s knows what those two will be doing this time! Changmin thought with another sigh. His chest burned with flames of jealousy that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t suppress. He wanted his hyung to be happy. He wanted Jaejoong. He wanted… “Too much,” the young officer said out loud.

 

As he lay his weary body back down, Changmin stole a glance at his superior lying helpless and vulnerable on the bed beside him, and he couldn’t help but think why can’t things just work? Why can’t Heechul realize how in love he is with Leeteuk? Why does he have to think he loves me? Why are Jaejoong and Yunho the only ones to get this right? Why do I have to come between both of them? Maybe I was supposed to be with someone else. Maybe it was Chirimi, Siwon even. Pain streaked his face at the thought of his fallen companions and just the weight of it all. The Jungnyeong was known for his bright smiles and unfailing optimism, but as his eyes slid closed for the night he couldn’t shut out the barefaced reality of his bleeding heart.

 

Maybe… the matchmaker was just meant to be alone.

 

Comments

( 4 comments — Speak )
moon1084
Dec. 18th, 2009 11:06 pm (UTC)
got my own spot today! i had to delete the other the comment cuz it was my writing lj
holystardown
Dec. 19th, 2009 03:45 am (UTC)
ah, it's the same chapter, i just forgot to post it to my comm when i posted it in my journal x_x lol
PeAcE
moon1084
Dec. 19th, 2009 04:37 am (UTC)
lol i was coming back to read it later and i was like damn she really did update fast
holystardown
Dec. 21st, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
ah hah, unfortunately i'm not that awesome xD
PeAcE
( 4 comments — Speak )

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